Five months...and I just keep stretching...

Just in the last two weeks I find myself talking to our child more and more... Especially when I can feel movement--or as Matthew calls it-- "wombvement," I find myself responding, "hello baby!"

"What are you doing in there?"

Matthew just read that the bones of the inner ear have hardened by now and the baby is now able to hear a lot more sounds from outside the womb.

It's crazy to think that our voices will be familiar to the baby, that we each experienced that same familiarity when we heard the voice of our mother or father moments after birth. And yet we have no memories from inside the womb.

"I hope you're having fun in there..."

"I sure can't wait to meet you"

There is a clear sense that we are giving something to our baby in speaking loving words, being around music, applying pressure to my abdomen in response to the little kicks and jabs that feels so much like a converstaion... Whatever we do we will never know the benefits our child will reap from this time of invisibility--invisible baby, invisible memories.

We are investing in a secret store of love.


I had a nasty dream last night, in which something unpleasant happened to our baby. I awoke to realize it was symbolic of hidden fears I have of not being able to be the mother I want to be or that my baby needs me to be--fear of neglecting our baby unknowingly or not knowing how to be a good parent.

I know that it's common for pregnant women to have bizarre and disturbing dreams, and in some ways it's helpful to realize that in the midst of the excitement, the joy, the elated anticipation, there is also trepidation. Knowing what my fears are will help me to address them and better prepare for the arrival of this person, this new life, this new way of life.

Thank God for a gestation period of nine months! Beyond the material preparations of baby clothes and furniture, the inner preparation that needs to take place is not insignificant!

A woman from church told me that becoming a Mother is a profound opportunity to identify with Christ in giving your life up for the sake of another, although the transition into such total giving can come as a shock if you are not prepared for this.

I realize I need to do some inner nesting, some sweeping of the floor of my heart, rearranging the furniture of my mind, furnishing my soul with the things I will need to give myself in this way, to be an unrestricted channel of Love to the person being given into my care. I may need to sort through some junk in my attic and get rid of it...