nosebleeds, leg cramps and feeling beautiful

Fifteen weeks pregnant today, and I'm going to meet my midwife this afternoon. I'm definitely showing now, and I've put on some weight in other parts of my body as well--lets just say the areas where women easily put on weight. I look at myself in the mirror and my body is completely different from what it has ever been before. Gone is the "I could still pass for a teenager" look. I feel like a WOMAN. And I feel more beautiful than I've ever felt before. Which is a really pleasant surprise. And Matthew agrees!

The baby should be around 4 inches long from head to bottom, and the legs are growing longer than the arms. 4 inches. Would that be about the size of an avacado? Sure!

I am starting a new job which will not involve shift work anymore, and will be less hours. I have been finding it very difficult to take proper care of myself while working this last while--not getting enough sleep, not having enought time on shift to eat and drink enough, and having too erratic a schedule to be very consistent with my vitamins. Working so hard has sometimes made it difficult to remember that I am pregnant and in my exhaustion I have sometimes felt out of touch with the fact that there is a baby in my womb, and I have felt like a neglectful mother. I'm excited to have a more sane lifestyle and I'm already starting to "feel" more pregnant--more aware of what's happening.

I read that around this time I may be experiencing some nosebleeds and legcramps. Well, I've had about 5 nosebleeds in the last three weeks, but I had no idea they were connected to pregnancy. Something to do with hormones causing dryness, and more pressure on bloodvessels. And last night at 4 AM I had my first leg cramp! I woke up to intense surprising pain in my calf and I cried out in pain in a strange pinched whimper that must have made the neighbours think a dog was dying a painful death in the alley. Poor Matthew woke up and rubbed my calf for me and I went back to sleep. The leg cramp woke me up from a dream about irrigation as a way to purify water.....

Another thing that has helped me become more aware has been the positive birth stories I've been reading. I'm discovering how helpful it can be to read positive birth stories. No horror stories, please. I'm starting actually to feel excited about labour and birth, and not afraid. Which is good, because apparently your attitude going in has a lot of influence on how you experience the pain and how cooperative your body is in helping the baby come out. Some women actually experience very little pain and have a euphoric, literally ecstatic, experience at birth. Interestingly, these experiences are all reported by women who did not have medical interventions like induction, epidural, and episiotomy. They went into birth with confidence and surrender, were surrounded by love and encouragement during the process, and experienced the contractions as waves of energy to "flow with" rather than as "cramps" to "endure". Very interesting. The book I'm reading is "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin. It's fascinating and I'm finding it very helpful in mentally preparing myself for all the things to come.



It's a whole new world.